“The hum and the buzz I can’t take it no more”
From “Hum For Your Buzz” by The Kills
I remember when I was living in Boston in the late 1990’s and got a very cold lesson in “frequency.”
I had moved to Boston with high hopes – since I already knew a few people there at the time, I assumed it would soon feel like home to me. And yet as time went by, I began to feel more and more alone. It had been a while since I’d been in a committed relationship. I was working – but I was not into my work as I had been before. I wasn’t practicing martial arts. Quite frankly, I was lost. I would spend many days fuzzy and unfocused, and my nights bored and unsure of what to do with my boredom. I felt disconnected from myself and from others.
In contrast, two of my close friends who were in Boston at the time, were flying high. One was working at a great job and preparing to run the Boston Marathon. The other had just launched a promising internet start-up. They were aligned in themselves and their goals — motivated, focused and engaged — and it emanated from them. They practically glowed. The outcomes of their ventures were uncertain, but their commitment and purpose were solid. They were living their best, most authentic lives. Perhaps not coincidentally, they both met the women that would become their wives and mothers of their children during that time. I did not.
What happened? The idea of “frequency” has fascinated me ever since. To be sure, people have talked about the idea of “vibes” or energy forever. And much has been made of the concept of the laws of attraction – that energy attracts like energy. But to me it felt like something more.
And in talking with artist Alison Mosshart for The Hardcore Humanism Podcast, I began to understand that when we are aligned in our purpose and people experience who we are – the right people, the ones who understand and support us in who we are and who we want to be – they can hone in on that frequency. And as our connection to ourselves becomes stronger, so does our ability to connect to others. Mosshart has always been an artist and musician – and she has toured consistently since she was a teenager – originally with the band Discount, and then with The Kills and The Dead Weather. She has never really stopped being creative – including her new spoken word album Sound Wheel and art book Car Ma, and her new solo singles “Rise” and “It Ain’t Water.”
Mosshart explained what she felt was her frequency and purpose. It’s a constant searching and striving – for travel, new experiences, creativity and answers to difficult questions. And in pursuing our purpose, we attract similar people. “When you’re searching for that, other people end up relating to that, because you find out a lot of people are searching for the same thing,” Mosshart told me. “I think you attract that same energy … It’s like this thread, it’s this undercurrent, this thing. People that travel for a living and move around… it’s like this other society that have movement and the facilitation of movement and there’s like a language … someone that is never … still … Why, why does it feel like home when you’re in the airport in Tokyo and you know every corner of that place? I mean, this is almost useless information, but yet, you know, you could talk about it for three hours, just some total stranger who’s exactly the same.”
In listening to Mosshart I realized that she was talking about three things. First, she is talking about understanding herself in a deep way. Despite the fact that being creative, or being a searcher or traveler is not the conventional norm – she knew that it was who she authentically was. Second, she was living that life to its fullest. There are many people who perhaps best understand themselves as artists and travelers but either can’t or won’t fully embrace that lifestyle. But Mosshart has been living it since she was a child – first traveling every summer with her family, then as a touring musician and artist. Finally, in part because she knows who she is and she is living her best frequency, she is able to more directly connect with people who are like-minded and who support her.
In retrospect, there have been different times in my life where I felt that my frequency had been strong and “aligned.” That is not to say that a particular frequency is better for everyone, but I’ve found that my best frequency is when I am on some sort of mission or consumed by a passion. Maybe it was working hard in high school to get into college, or working hard in college to get into graduate school, practicing a martial art, being in a band, starting a business. Whatever it may be, I’ve come to accept that I’m at my best at that “frequency” or alignment. And it was at those times that I’ve noticed that my connection with others is better.
Because how is someone going to really connect with me if I’m not connected with myself? How will they be able to support me in my goals, or see the best in me? Don’t get me wrong, there are always those special people in our lives who see something in us before we fully see that person in ourselves. People who can sense our frequency before we fully have embraced it. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I met my wife a week before the first show I ever played in a band or that our courtship was intertwined with my musical adventure. I was energized and excited about the possibilities that life offered, which allowed me to understand and recognize that she was the type of outside-the-box thinker who would support that type of pursuit – who best embraced me at my authentic frequency.
Similarly, being on a “mission” has led me to meet kindred spirits whom I would not have met otherwise. Asking about my band became a conversation starter, which would naturally lead into questions about music preferences and other artistic interests, which would sometimes lead to hanging out, attending shows together and even becoming friends.
So how does getting on your best frequency work, practically? We can start by asking ourselves when are we at our best? What do we enjoy doing, reading or thinking about? And what kind of days end with us feeling good – productive days? Fast-paced days? Chill days? Alone days? Days surrounded by people? A combination? To be sure, different people have different frequencies. For some people, leading a relaxed life focused on embracing and enjoying each day is the best frequency. Maybe leading a more traditional life – working a nine-to-five job, raising a family, building and maintaining a home – is the best frequency for some of us. Maybe it’s not so clear cut and requires some deeper reflection.
But then we can take the next step by doing tangible things consistent with our frequency. It sounds simple but if we see ourselves at our best as musicians – we need to listen to music, go see shows, play music. If we are into our homes and the nine-to-five life, we need to be spending time mowing our lawn, painting our house. If we love to chill, we need to set aside time and space to relax.
And finally, we need to see who is interested – who is curious about what we do. Who is on the same frequency in content and process? Talk to people. Get in on-line groups. Join clubs. Whatever it takes – we can find our people – the ones who support our best frequency.
But whatever it is, we can all take a lesson from Alison Mosshart – embrace our frequency and connect with those who support it.
Photo credit: David James Swanson
